Devil's Urine on Blackberries - The Good News

Contrary to the article yesterday some people don't mind Blackberries picked after Michelmas.

Oi! Put that blackberry down! Step away from the bramble... slowly... slowly...

Put it down, now.
No, not in your mouth.
Step away from the bramble.

Michelmas (September 29th)  is the day that Saint Michael chased Lucifer out of heaven. As everyone knows when the Devil fell out of heaven he landed on a prickly blackberry bush.

Angered by this turn of events the Devil cursed the blackberries. It is also said that every Autumn after Michelmas he spat or urinated on them.

Saint Michael casting the Devil out of heaven.
(Blackberry bush just out of frame)

So in the spirit of community we at Wyrd Kalendar have made you the handy poster above and the warning below...

If someone offers you a slice of blackberry crumble beware... it could be cursed...

For more information check out Jim Moon's splendid blog here...

And a superb companion piece here...

The Wyrd Kalendar Book - It is coming...

October is coming... Prepare for the Feast...

The field is full of fruits to be gathered, writhing and screaming in the Autumnal winds.
The Kalendar Heath will be open for even longer allowing you to trek through October to the dark joys of All Hallow's Eve.
Join us. 

All Hail Queen Mab! It's the Feast of Mabon!

Oh, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.

She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes

In shape no bigger than an agate stone

On the forefinger of an alderman,

Drawn with a team of little atomi

Over men’s noses as they lie asleep.

Her wagon spokes made of long spinners' legs,

The cover of the wings of grasshoppers,

Her traces of the smallest spider’s web,

Her collars of the moonshine’s watery beams,

Her whip of cricket’s bone, the lash of film,

Her wagoner a small gray-coated gnat,

Not half so big as a round little worm

Pricked from the lazy finger of a maid.

Some call the feast of Mabon the "Witches' Thanksgiving". Everyone celebrates in their own unique ways. Last year I held a great feast and made a coat from newly fallen leaves but this year I've opted for a quieter celebration. I'll be staying in and catching up with some Queen Mab related entertainments. 

In the morning and afternoon I'll binge watch this superb new series about Queen Mab's PR firm...

After that I'll watch the classic film about an old English King's loyalty to the Faer Folk Queen...

Finally I'll round off my evening with a faerie themed action thriller...

Happy Feast Day your Mabesty!

For more ideas of what to do at Mabon take a look at this site...

Mab is coming! Are you ready?

It is the Feast of Mabon tomorrow!
Are you ready?

Turn a Pagan to Stone Today!

As everyone knows on September 19th Saint Cornely turned a group of Pagan Soldiers to stone. His account of the event runs thus:

"Hello! My name is Saint Cornely. You may remember me for my work with the protection of cattle. However today I’m here to talk to you about something that affects us all: Pagans. They’re everywhere aren’t they?  Casting their spells, dancing around in a circle, hugging trees and mushrooms.  

You all know about the time I was chased by Pagan soldiers (they probably wanted to make me a bracelet out of hemp and cabbage or something). Anyway it was September 16th and I was walking with my two oxen, when I saw them coming for me. I hid in one of the Ox’s ears, said some holy words and turned those blighters to stone! I’m happy to say that I can offer you the same service. If you have Pagan Problems pray to me and I’ll turn them to stone! Mind you knowing them, they’ll probably like it."

If you are plagued by Pagans day and night then why not try a quick prayer to Saint Cornely?

The following is taken from the Saint Cornely Book of Righteous Prayer and endorsed by the Pagan Eradication and Nullification International Society.

"Saint Cornely hear our cry

'The Pagans come!' you hear us sigh,

They dance about and hug their trees

And so we beg you on our knees

Stop their evil wicked follies

Their midnight jigs and corned dollies

Stop them quickly, stop them now

Turn your eyes from herd of cow

And turn to us and hear our prayer

'Fore they fly swiftly through the air

To rip us all from tender bed

And curse us with their spells so dread.

Change their skin and alter bone

And turn them all to blessed stone."

Below you will find a cut out and keep display version of the prayer for you to cut out, keep and display.

If you know of any other instances of heathens, pagans or other wicked sorts please do share them below or on the Facebook page.

Be safe!

Happy Christmas!

If you are like me and you know your history you will already have your Christmas decorations up and your presents bought.

If not don't panic, you can celebrate Christmas at the feast of Saturnalia like you always do.

Happy Christmas!

We crown King Pumpkin today (in France).

I don't know about you but by 12th September my Pumpkins ain't very majestic.

I don't know what they feed them in France but take a look at this beauty...

All Hail the Pumpkin King
(Source - http://www.ouest-france.fr)

As well as carving pumpkins and selling vegetables the villagers also carry the biggest Pumpkin through the market, perform a coronation and pay their respects.

How are your Pumpkins doing?
Send us pictures in the comments below or on our Facebook page!

Feeling Horny? It must be time for the Abotts Bromley Horn Dance!

The Horn Dance is on September 10th this year...

Are you ready?

Use the checklist above to help you to prepare.

As well as this there are two other things you HAVE TO DO (see below).

Read this now.
Have you read it yet?
You won't be allowed to the dance until you have.
Read it. NOW.

Listen to this now.

Now.

Buy it too.

You have been told.

Moving House this September? Why not try Angel Moving Services?

On September 8th 1292 Angels House Moving Services™ picked up Mary, Joseph and Jesus’ house and moved it from Palestine to Yugoslavia to avoid it being destroyed by the enemies of the Christian Faith. Three years later the angels moved it again to Loreto.

There was a minimum of breakages,  and much rejoicing.

If you would like to use Angel House Moving Services™ then PRAY NOW!

Leaves will Fall... The September Mix is here...

It is September. Summer is drawing to its end. The nights are closing in. Leaves are on the turn and primed to fall. Joyously run through the fallen leaves on the Kalendar Heath this month with Nick Drake, Dinah Washington, Simon and Garfunkel, David Cain, Captain Beefheart, Justin Hayward, Lou Reed, Earth, Wind and Fire, Jez Butler, David Whitfield, Fiona Apple, New Model Army, Monty Python, Carole King, Tindersticks, Edith Piaf, The Flaming Lips, The Waterboys, David Sylvian, The White Stripes and John Martyn. You will hear extracts from “Ashley and Ashley” the September story from “Wyrd Kalendar” due to be published in October this year by Wyrd Harvest Press.