Hare Asylums - The Truth

Signs like this were often seen on the streets of Bridgewater and Halifax (that housed the most prominent Hare Asylums).

Most of us are aware of the terrible history associated with hare asylums.

The first Hare Asylum; The Saint Francis of Assisi Lepus Sanitorium was set up by a group of monks in 1752 in York. It  was long considered that the actions of hares in the month of March were not only damaging to the morals of good Christian folk but the also were potentially infectious.

For this reason it was considered prudent that all hares were incarcerated in specially made asylums from the first to the thirty first of March.

This poem was used to raise funds for the hare asylums. The text points to the problems associated with the Mad March syndrome.

Over the years more Hare Asylums appeared across the country. According to official records, at their peak (in 1854), there were 49 Hare Asylums in the United Kingdom. The majority of these were privately funded and run but, according to Professor B. Hutchins, renowned zoological historian, at least three were funded by local councils (notably Bridgewater, Halifax and Newbury).

Following a government review of practices at these asylums the majority were shut down in the late nineteenth century though the last (in East Swindon) remained open until 1931.

Published by Esoheritix in 1965 - This is the first full investigation into the Victorian Hare Asylums.

In his book "The Truth about Hare Asylums" Professor B. Hutchins reveals some of the terrible practices associated with these places. (Please be aware the following list does contain some quite shocking information which we only reveal here to expose the truth about the Hare Asylums.)

1. Hares were placed in a room on their own for an hour a day. In the room was a hatch through which a Nun would sing three hymns (repeating them once complete).

2. All hares were forcibly baptised.

3. Male hares (bucks) were given bowls of ale to drink to control libido.

4. Female hares (does) were trained in courting and dining etiquette.

5. Hares that followed their breeding instinct were chastised and the book of Job read to them in its entirety.

For more information about Hare Asylums we heartily recommend "The Truth About Hare Asylums". (Out of Print)

Happy Mother's Day! RESPECT YOUR MOTHER

April is Coming - Beware the Fool

Throw Away the Warming Pan - It's Saint Joseph's Day!

After March 19th if you're cold in bed, don't expect any help from the maid!

The tradition of the removal of the warming pan from your bed on March 19th is one that has long been adhered to by maids, landladies and housekeepers up and down the land.

The connection to Saint Joseph is thought to be coincidental. However one apocryphal Christian tradition (as outlined in the first book of Saint Andrew)  suggests that the Christ child moved from the family bed to his own cot in mid March of his first year. It is often thought that the godlike warmth of Christ is linked to the comfort of a warming pan.

"And Lo, the Christ child was taken from his Mother's bed but his holy warmth remained forever within." - 1 Andrew Chapter 2 Verse 15. 

It is more likely that this tradition is linked to the fact that the weather is becoming more clement and so the warming pan becomes redundant.

It was thought that to keep your bed warm in late spring was a sign of decadence and would invite a demon to slip beneath the covers with you.

This poor unfortunate soul kept using a warming pan into mid April.

For this reason it is wise that you refrain from warming your bed after today.

To help you to remember print off and display the handy sign below.

When the March March was marched in March

Sherry Drinking - A key feature of the "March March".

The following is a transcript of an interview with Bernard Hodgkiss of Barrow-on-the-Twee from 1952.

We were proud of our traditions in Barrow. On the 13th of March, every year, we would celebrate the traditions of spring by donning string hats, woolen trousers, grass masks, terrible shoes and clerical collars before walking through the town in step in a military style. We called this the "March March". We would  begin in the town square and tramp from the Market place to the Churchyard. Once at the church we would sing the Marching hymn and drink seven small glasses of Apple Sherry. This would all end in a jig before we retired to the town hall for pie.

There was a bit of trouble one year. I think a few of the townsfolk had more than the requisite glasses of sherry. There were harsh words exchanged which were followed by shouting, kicks and blows. The town council were very concerned and so they issued a decree that the March March would not occur in the following year.

We  were up in arms about this. No March March? Even though we begged and pleaded with the council and even though those hooligans who had been involved in the fracas promised not to attend... the council would not relent. So we thought we ought to stage a protest. In the August of that year we staged a march, following the same route but pausing outside the council office where we ceremoniously emptied seventy glasses of apple sherry onto the street as a mark of our resolve that the previous naughtiness would not reoccur. We called this march the "March in support of the March March". Though some called it the "March March March".

Unfortunately the council did not look kindly on us running an unsanctioned march. Nor were they happy with the state of the street, which was now covered in sticky apple sherry, causing a plague of wasps to invade their offices. They issued a new order saying that no marches could ever occur again. 

We were very upset about this and so decided to stage another march. This one was planned to encircle the council offices in the heart of November. We would March around 7 times, deliver a case of apple sherry to the council and sing a song of peace and friendship. We called this march the "March to undo the wrongs caused by the March March March" (though many called this the "March March March March.")

The council caught wind of our plan and promised to reinstate the March March as long as we didn't have a March March March or a March March March March ever again.

So we promised and the next year the March March occurred as usual. And long may it continue.

(The March March continues to this day in Barrow-on-the Twee - You can find out more if you visit the Barrow-on-the-Twee museum - only open every second Tuesday after a full moon.)

The True Origins of March

Mars - The God of  War - This picture links to the tale of his brother Mercury who famously tricked Mars into wearing a rodent on his head. 

It has been assumed for some time that March gets its name from the Roman God Mars, the God of War. Whilst this is a widely accepted view, there are two other theories that are gaining credence in the field of Calendar study.

The basic argument runs thus: that Mars has a different spelling from March and so is less likely to be the true originator of the name  of the Month. Also Mars is the God of War and March is a month associated with creation and love, which are two concepts that clearly oppose the ethos of this particular deity. As well as this, the official birthday of Mars is July 15th so in many ways it makes no sense that he is associated with this particular time of year.

So why is March called March?

The most popular reason is one that has its roots in centuries of observed natural phenomena. The verb "March" means to walk in a military manner with a regular measured tread. It has been said that in early spring, groups of animals (of differing genus) are often seen making their way across fields in time and in step. This phenomenon was witnessed in the spring of 1972 by Colin Dann who used it as the basis for his famous dissertation "The Animals of  Farthing Wood". In the documentary series of the same name a group of animals put aside their natural differences and made their way across the countryside to a place called  White Deer Park. When asked to sum up his work Colin said it was "an examination of the act of March."1

The Animals of Farthing Wood - This is a key part of the story in which the animals are trapped down one end of a long black  tube.

The most convincing of the March theories is one that has surfaced in the last twenty years. In 1997 a leading Calendar researcher (Bernard Fixings) discovered a calendar printed in 1962 that only had 11 months. The month of March was missing. Further research lead him to discover that the month of March did not appear in any calendars prior to 1969. Any instances of the month of March prior to that date seem to have been added retrospectively. Bernard Fixings realised that this could be the biggest cover-up in the history of mankind.

His research lead him to the scientist and astronomer Marc Harper. It was Marc Harper who discovered the effects of rocket use on planetary orbit and it was his advice that stalled the Space Program. Marc Harper theorised that the force of the regular rocket blasts against the surface of the earth was effectively pushing and distorting the orbit to such an extent that the year, which was only 335 days long, expanded by thirty days over the years of the Space Program. To avoid any controversy NASA used mind control techniques to quash memories of the eleven month year, destroyed any instances of earlier calendars and rushed out new twelve month calendars in the winter of 1972. 

The moon landing - One of the primary causes of what is now known as "Orbital Stretching"

The month was then named after the man who discovered this phenomena; Marc Harper. It was initially "Marc H." It was then decided to remove the dot and drop the capitalisation changing the name to the now familiar "March". 

1 Taken from an imaginary interview with Colin Dann from the lost magazine series Nature in Inverse Vol 7. (Published 1981 by Imaginary)

The Witch Who Became a Hare

In March our thoughts turn to hares.

Maria Hale, the witch of Aldermaston (Berkshire) was able to turn herself into a hare. 

Between the 1850s and '60s it was reported that the transformed Maria would sit outside the local pub and listen to the gossip, nose and ears twitching.

A local gamekeeper shot this hare in the leg and thereafter it was said that Maria Hale walked with a limp.

Maria was considered to be a most wicked woman. 

She scammed the vulnerable and lonely selling them expensive curses or cures.

The local people were very frightened of her.

The following are some of her reported sins:

1. She sold a local shopkeeper what she said was ham, though she kept no pigs. Apparently it was the most delicious ham in all of Aldermaston, yet she kept no pigs...

2. If she asked you for flowers and you refused to give them to her then all of your plants would wither and die.

3. When her son tried to leave home she cursed him, this caused him to become ill so he had to return home.

She died in 1879 (aged 88) and was buried in the Graveyard of Aldermaston Church.
The villagers planted her under a yew tree in a hole at least 12 feet deep (most graves are 6 feet deep).
The placed rocks on the coffin and jumped up and down upon the grave to ensure she wouldn't get out.
It is said that if you place a pin on the steps of the church and run around it three times she will appear.

The adventures of Maria Hale (in life and after her death) alongside other strange characters from the Berkshire area can be heard in "Deadman's Lane" a Folk Horror School Play. 

A radio version is below...

Source: David Nash Ford's "Royal Berkshire History" 2001
http://www.berkshirehistory.com/villages/aldermaston.html

Are you a Cornish tin miner? Then get some ale down you! It's Saint Piran's Day!

"It's Saint Piran's Day!"                    "Fancy a pint?"       

Saint Piran is the Patron Saint of Cornish Tin Miners. 

Today it is traditional for Cornish Tin Miners to take the day off and get drunk in his honour.

If you have any tin in the house it is your duty to join them. Now.

To celebrate in the traditional way and to honour Saint Piran do the following:

1: Find a large square biscuit tin.

2: Eat all of the biscuits within.

3: Brush out the remaining crumbs.

4: Fill the now empty biscuit tin with ale to the brim. Put the lid on and leave it to stand for thirty minutes so that the tin taste tantalises your tongue.

5. Drink the ale from the tin draining it from the four corners in turn. As you turn the tin chant the following rhyme:

"Saint Piran: bless this tin

Bless the ale within within

Bless the ale as it pours inside

Bless me Piran and with me bide"

(Taken from "Prayers to the Saints" collected by Lady Marjorie Havernot - 1865)

6. When you have finished the ale begin the ritual again until all of the ale in the house is drunk.


Saint Piran yesterday.

Please note: you are still expected to work down the mine tomorrow morning.