The True Origins of March

Mars - The God of  War - This picture links to the tale of his brother Mercury who famously tricked Mars into wearing a rodent on his head. 

It has been assumed for some time that March gets its name from the Roman God Mars, the God of War. Whilst this is a widely accepted view, there are two other theories that are gaining credence in the field of Calendar study.

The basic argument runs thus: that Mars has a different spelling from March and so is less likely to be the true originator of the name  of the Month. Also Mars is the God of War and March is a month associated with creation and love, which are two concepts that clearly oppose the ethos of this particular deity. As well as this, the official birthday of Mars is July 15th so in many ways it makes no sense that he is associated with this particular time of year.

So why is March called March?

The most popular reason is one that has its roots in centuries of observed natural phenomena. The verb "March" means to walk in a military manner with a regular measured tread. It has been said that in early spring, groups of animals (of differing genus) are often seen making their way across fields in time and in step. This phenomenon was witnessed in the spring of 1972 by Colin Dann who used it as the basis for his famous dissertation "The Animals of  Farthing Wood". In the documentary series of the same name a group of animals put aside their natural differences and made their way across the countryside to a place called  White Deer Park. When asked to sum up his work Colin said it was "an examination of the act of March."1

The Animals of Farthing Wood - This is a key part of the story in which the animals are trapped down one end of a long black  tube.

The most convincing of the March theories is one that has surfaced in the last twenty years. In 1997 a leading Calendar researcher (Bernard Fixings) discovered a calendar printed in 1962 that only had 11 months. The month of March was missing. Further research lead him to discover that the month of March did not appear in any calendars prior to 1969. Any instances of the month of March prior to that date seem to have been added retrospectively. Bernard Fixings realised that this could be the biggest cover-up in the history of mankind.

His research lead him to the scientist and astronomer Marc Harper. It was Marc Harper who discovered the effects of rocket use on planetary orbit and it was his advice that stalled the Space Program. Marc Harper theorised that the force of the regular rocket blasts against the surface of the earth was effectively pushing and distorting the orbit to such an extent that the year, which was only 335 days long, expanded by thirty days over the years of the Space Program. To avoid any controversy NASA used mind control techniques to quash memories of the eleven month year, destroyed any instances of earlier calendars and rushed out new twelve month calendars in the winter of 1972. 

The moon landing - One of the primary causes of what is now known as "Orbital Stretching"

The month was then named after the man who discovered this phenomena; Marc Harper. It was initially "Marc H." It was then decided to remove the dot and drop the capitalisation changing the name to the now familiar "March". 

1 Taken from an imaginary interview with Colin Dann from the lost magazine series Nature in Inverse Vol 7. (Published 1981 by Imaginary)