It's Walpurgis Night! Protect Your House From Witches!

It is Walpurgis Night! 

What are you doing to protect your home from witches?

We at Wyrd Kalendar have been kind enough to collate genuine methods for repelling witches.

Don't forget...

Every WALPURGIS NIGHT witches of   every hue, age and colour will plague our land.

It is vital that you protect your house from these supernatural miscreants.

They will ride about on a horse with THE  DEVIL, 

turn your MILK sour, 

CURSE your cattle, 

replace your children with FOUL argumentative urchins, 

make your PORRIDGE stiff, 

CAST spells that will make you have FUN, 

embrace TREES, 

heal AILMENTS, 

fly on BROOMSTICKS, 

DANCE around bonfires,  

use HERBS, 

speak with their FAMILIARS, 

stroke CATS, 

make deals with GOATS, 

tell FORTUNES, 

make POPPETS, 

sport HATS, 

wear NOTHING at all, 

make otherwise good and honest MENFOLK think LUSTFUL and LASCIVIOUS thoughts, 

caper about POLES, 

knock at your DOOR...

TO STOP WITCHES ENTERING YOUR HOME WE RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING FOOLPROOF METHODS…

MAKE AS MUCH NOISE AS YOU CAN - RING CHURCH BELLS - SLAM DOORS - CRACK WHIPS—BANG POTS AND PANS

LIGHT BONFIRES

ERECT CROSSES

BRANDISH TORCHES (TOPPED WITH ROSEMARY AND JUNIPER)

WITCH PROOF YOUR HOUSE WITH BIRCH BOUGHS

STAY SAFE!

Auntie May is Coming To Stay...

Happy Saint Mark's Eve - Find out Who's Going to DIE!

Visit your local church at midnight tonight.

Follow the instructions above and start budgeting for flowers and sympathy cards!

Warning: If you see your own spirit it can result in your own immediate death. (On the plus side at least you got out of the house for a bit!)

Saint George's Day - Celebrate this Romano Greek Hero from Syria by Welcoming a Foreigner Today!

In 1416 the Church Council of England welcomed this legendary Turkish Saint to our shores as a beacon of tolerance and hope. It is worth pointing out that George was Romano Greek from Syria but it appears that the anonymous author was a little lazy in terms of their research. For your benefit here is an updated version of the poem.

Every April 23rd it was traditional for monasteries and households to welcome visitors from other lands. This lasted for many years and the people would celebrate the life and legacy of Saint George in the following ways:

1. Sharing food - the visitor and host would toil together in the kitchen preparing a dish from their native land to be shared together.

2. Sharing stories - after the meal the visitor and host would share a story or legend from their land.

3. Dancing - The visitor would teach the host a dance from their land and visa versa.

4. Differences and Similarities - The visitor and host would be expected to converse to discover commonalities and also unique differences in custom and ways of life. They would discuss family, friends, work, religion as well as details of the flora and fauna of the land.

At the end of the evening the host would pledge allegiance to the visitor and invite them to stay for as long as they wished. They would toast the visitor with this final chant.

“In the name of Saint George, the Turk, the Knight

Who died for strangers and friends alike

We welcome you as we welcomed him

Onto our shores as kith and kin

We welcome you as Our Lord would

To make our friendship strong and good.”

CAUTION! Easter Monday is Lifting Day!

Everybody knows that the Lighthouse Family's 90's hit "Lifted" was a direct reference to this Easter tradition. But not many people know that it was a prosecutable offence. To lift a person into the air without their permission was a liberty not to be tolerated. Many people considered it to be an excuse to take a peek at another's underthings and sniffed at the idea that it was to honour the risen Lord. Below is a text from a sordid case from the late 19th century...

"The prosecutor, William Pullen, charged Thomas Lawton with being in his house for an unlawful purpose. Defendant entered Mr. Pullen's house, and said he had come to lift his wife, and two men followed defendant to the garden-gate. Prosecutor told defendant to get out, or he would kick him out. He would not allow any one to take such liberties. Defendant thereupon became very abusive. It was stated that defendant was endeavouring to carry out an old Cheshire custom. The men lifted women on Easter Monday, and women lifted men on Easter Tuesday. The magistrates informed defendant he must apologise and pay the costs." — Yorkshire Gazette, April 7th, 1883. (Source - The Folklore Journal 1883)

You can find images of modern miscreants having a go at this filthy custom here...

HAPPY ĒOSTRE! (10 things to do this ĒOSTRE weekend!)

10 THINGS TO DO THIS ĒOSTRE WEEKEND!

1. Dress just like your favourite pagan goddess! Make a Hare mask and pop it on your head! (ĒOSTRE could turn herself into a hare and so should you!)

2. Have an Easter egg hunt! (Though do this on a carriage pulled by woodland creatures armed with a spear).

3. Eat a Hot Cross Bun! It represents the four quarters of the year. (If you have two many hot cross buns they can be used to make a splendid Bread and Butter Pudding!)

4. Make some mead and drink it out of an egg cup!

5. Chant “Hail ĒOSTRE!” and throw the mead into the air ensuring that lots of it lands on you.

6. Paint a hardboiled egg.

7. Plant seedlings.

8. Eat chocolate - ĒOSTRE loves chocolate! (According to  Cadbury)

9. Make a statue of ĒOSTRE out of sticks and leaves with an offering of seeds beside it.

10. Enjoy the spring! Pick a flower and invite it into your house to share your Sunday lunch!

If you lose this list there is a handy "cut out and keep" version below for you to cut out and keep.

April 6th is "Fool Release Day" - Don't Forget To Pick Up Your Fool!

Everybody knows that it is bad luck to commit trickery or mischief after noon on April Fools Day. What is less well known is the practice in certain counties to incarcerate those who have committed this particular sin.

 In Shropshire, for example, (according to the records of All Saints Claverley), in 1672 the county sheriff Michael Scott, issued warrants for Bernard Treaching for "salting hif wife's tea at half paft the noon"; for Sarah Trentwise for "faying the 'moon if gone for good' at one of the clock" and most notably for farmer Patrick Ostler who "haf painted hif neighbour's entire herd of sheep in huef of woad and that at four of the clock on April the firft." These travesties did not go unpunished and the miscreants were held for 6 days before their release on the 6th April.

These traditions continued for several centuries and may be celebrated still in certain quarters if only in a ceremonial sense. For this reason April 6th is often known as "Fool's Release Day" or "The Feast of the Emancipation of the Mischief-Maker".

Beware the Fool... The Wyrd Kalendar April Mix

Beware the Fool.

As you wander the Kalendar Heath this month do not let the fool lead you astray. He will lead you a merry dance as you, the Gowk, lose yourself in a mysterious maze of musical magic.

Whilst Jon Neill and Chris Lambert bring to life extracts from Wyrd Kalendar story "Chasing the Gowk" you will be tricked and delighted by the likes of the Cocteau Twins, June Tabor, The Jesus and Mary Chain, Tim Hart and Maddy Prior, Frank Churchill and Larry Morey’s “Bambi” soundtrack, David Cain and Ronald Duncan, Fiona Shaw and T.S. Eliot, Sergio Mendes and Brasil '66, Patti Smith, Simon and Garfunkel, Aretha Franklin, The Divine Comedy, The Stone Roses, Prince, George Michael, A-ha, Supertramp, Genesis, Pat Boone, Sandy Rogers, Frank Zappa, Tom McRae, Loudon Wainwright III and Rufus Wainwright.