The June Bug is near...

The new June mix will be out on June 1st. This time with readings from the Wyrd Kalendar June story by Jim Peters...

Catch the May mix here as you enjoy the sunshine!

https://www.mixcloud.com/Wyrd_Kalendar/wyrd-kalendar-may/

Hold onto your Crystal Balls! It's Dee Day!

Apart from listening to the May mix on Wyrd Kalendar which is Doctor Dee's first choice for celebrating his life and work you could also...

Explore a crystal ball

Draw a sigil

Swap a wife with a criminal

Listen to Damon Albarn's wonderful DR Dee Concept album

Put all of the Mortlake Booklub's ouvre on a loop for the rest of the month

Invite the angels to sing to you

You can explore the other Dee Day entries here including Doctor Dee's favourite (he informed me by Scry) "What would Dee Do?"

Tell us how you spend your Dee Day do!

Plan your Dee Day Do!

It's time to plan your Dee Day Do!

Firstly send out your invitations.

We have made a cut out and keep invite for you to cut out and keep.

Display a poster.

Here is one for you to print and display in your window, on your door or outside your hovel.

There follows a list of things you will need to get ready:

1. Your playlist - ensure that you have suitable tracks such as "Scrying" by Roy Orbison,"Scrying in the Rain" by A-ha or "Scry baby scry" by The Beatles. If you don't have time to make a playlist you could purchase "Now that's what I call Dee" which contains all the tracks you'll need...

2. Alchemy Cake - it is traditional to bake an Alchemy Crumble on Dee Day. For the recipe explore The Lost Book of Magickal Recipes by Dr Dee (there is an updated edition annotated by Fanny Craddock available online).

3. Put up Black Scrying bunting. (This is available from Morrisons) Be aware that scrying bunting is very effective and you may see spirits in every little triangular bunt.

4. Hang Crystal Balls on your hawthorn tree. The Dee Tree (as it is known) is a newly chopped hawthorn, brought into the centre of a house, adorned in little crystal balls. 

For more details on what to do at your Dee Day Do you can facetime John Dee via Scry.

What Would Dee Do? Dee Day - May 25th

As Dee Day approaches ordinary folk up and down the land and across the globe are beset with problems.

Most of these problems are small and merely cause irritation, some are large and can cause lack of sleep and anxiety and there are a few problems that seem insurmountable.

When any of these problems brew and begin to cause discomfort, ask yourself:

"What would Dee do?"

Doctor John Dee was the Royal Astrologer to Queen Elizabeth the First. 

As well as this he was also an accomplished mathematician, geographer and magician.

Who would be better placed to tackle the myriad issues that affect us every day than a magical genius who lived in the 16th century?

There follows a few examples of how thinking like Dee will solve even some of the most complex crises.

Loss of a pen 

Dee Solution 1: Mathematical

Estimate the most probable place you last left it. Take into account the size of the area you are searching a, the amount of times you have lost a pen b, the size of the pen c, the amount of areas you are likely to search d... use this equation to find the pen x: a+b/cxd=x

Dee Solution 2: Geographical

Map out the area you are searching. Divide it into grids. Search each grid (cross off each grid once you have searched it) until you find your pen!

Dee Solution 3: Astrological

Work out when the pen was first created and use that date to assign it a birth sign. Consult your astrological charts and books. Based on your research you should be able to discover the temperament of your pen and easily ascertain from this information where it might be hiding.

Dee Solution 4: Magical

Using your scrying mirror seek out and call upon the spirits of the netherworld who will be able to find the pen for you in an instant for the cost of a small piece of your soul. It is inadvisable to use this method too often.

Finding a potential Wife or Husband

Dee Solution 1: Mathematical

Firstly you need to decide how many wives or husbands you would like. Once you have worked this out you will need to factor this figure into future calculations. Firstly on a scale of 1-10 how desperately lonely are you? (Note this figure as a). What area will you be searching? Decide on the area and enter the radius of the area as b. Calculate using an electoral roll how many eligible spinsters or bachelors there are in the area (note this number as c).  How likable are you on a scale of 1-27? (Note this number as d.) How many times have you been turned down by a prospective partner? (Note this number as e.) How long would you like to be married? (Calculate this figure in days and note this number as f.) Use the equation below to discover the value of x. 

a/b ×c/d÷e+f=x

Count down the electoral roll until you find the name that has the value of x and that person will be the perfect match. (ie. if x=1 then the first person on the list will be your partner for life!)

Dee Solution 2: Geographical

Map out the area you are searching. Divide it into grids.  Search each grid (cross off each grid once you have searched it) until you find your potential wife or husband! Once found they should be moved to the grid that contains your home, though you should stop at the grid containing a church or registry office first (in the interests of decorum).

Dee Solution 3: Astrological

Using the books of astrological art discover the planet you were born under before researching further to discover who you will be most compatible with. Armed with this knowledge approach anybody you can and ask which planet they were born under. The first that matches the planet you are looking for is the one to reel in! 

Dee Solution 4: Magical

Using your scrying mirror seek out and call upon the spirits of the netherworld who will be able to create a husband or wife for you in an instant for the cost of a large piece of your soul. It is inadvisable to use this method too often. It is important to note that your husband and or wife may be occasionally incorporeal, could be a demon in disguise or could attempt to eat you and members of your family.

Stopping a major land war

Dee Solution 1: Mathematical

How many soldiers do you have? Note the answer as a.

How many soldiers does your opposing force have? Note this number as b.

Compare the two numbers.

If a is higher than b then you will win.

If b is higher than a then get more soldiers until a is higher than b.

Remember when a is higher than b - victory is assured.

Dee Solution 2: Geographical

Map out the area you are fighting in. Divide it into grids. Go into each area of the grid and kill every enemy soldier within that area. Cross off each grid once you have completed it. When you have crossed off every grid you have won the war!

Dee Solution 3: Astrological

Find out the birth dates of every member of the army that is opposing you. Using your books of astrological art calculate their likes and dislikes. Buy the things that they most dislike and wrap them individually in beautiful paper and ribbons. Arrange with the local postal service for the things that they dislike to be sent to each member of the opposing force. The initial excitement at receiving the beautiful gift, followed by the crushing anxiety at what lies within, will place every soldier at a psychological disadvantage. That will be the time to attack.

Dee Solution 4: Magical

Using your scrying mirror seek out and call upon the spirits of the netherworld who will be able to win the war for you in an instant for the cost of your soul as well as the souls of your children and children's children. It is inadvisable to use this method too often. It is important to note that your army may be occasionally incorporeal, are likely to be enormous befanged demons, bewinged dragons or bewigged otters. They may not follow the standard rules of conflict and so may eat you and your comrades in arms, drag you all to hell for eternal torment or lead you in an inappropriately upbeat and jolly dance around a fire.

What will you do on Dee Day?

Why not do what Dee would do?

Dee Day is Coming... How will you celebrate?

Queen Elizabeth I's royal astrologer, geographer and mathematician was also a magician.

May 25th 1581 would have been a day like any other. He would sit and stare into the crystal ball on his desk and hope for a glimpse of the future, the past or some other world.

And every day the crystal ball would sit cold and unyielding.

But on this day...

On May 25th, 1581...

Something stirred.

The clear glass filled with fog and mist... from within this miasma of smoke and cloud spirits began to appear.

And Dee saw into the future.

What will you see on May 25th?

How will you celebrate Dee Day?

Tell us in comments below or on the Folk Horror Revival page...

You don't need to drown Old Men anymore! Not with the Argei Straw Doll!

On May 15th at the rites of Argei 6 Vestal Virgins walked a route to a bridge on the Tiber.

They would stop along the way at 27 shrines.

At each of the shrines they would pick up a straw man.

Once they got to the bridge they would cast these straw men into the river.

It is thought that these straw men replaced old men who were sacrificed to Saturn (who, among other things, was the God of Old Age and so naturally would want to have old people sacrificed to him).

"Shades of My Fathers, Depart!" Protecting yourselves from spirits in May

On May 9th, 11th and 13th in Ancient Rome our Ancestors' homes were awash with spirits.

It was such a plague that it was advised not to get married in May due to the inevitable bad luck it would bring.

If this still strikes you as something of a problem then below is a handy ritual you can do (you need to be the head of the house for this to work).

The Wyrd Kalendar have also printed these instructions on a poster for you to use in case of emergency (see above).

ARE YOU AN ANCIENT ROMAN?

Are you worried about the GATE between THIS WORLD and THE NEXT OPENING? Because YOU know that ON MAY 9th, 11th and 13th THIS SORT OF THING ALWAYS HAPPENS…

Follow these SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS on EACH NIGHT to STOP LEMURES (restless spirits) ENTERING YOUR HOME…

i. Arise at MIDNIGHT

ii. Wash Hands THREE times

iii. Walk through house SPITTING and TOSSING BLACK BEANS behind you for the GHOSTS to GATHER

iv. REPEAT the previous actions NINE times

v. Wash your HANDS again

vi. Strike a BRASS vessel

vii. Call out NINE times “SHADES OF MY FATHERS, DEPART.”

If that doesn't sort out those pesky spirits of your ancestors nothing will.

Sweet Auntie May - A Child's Impression

There follows a selection of sketches drawn by Freya Lambert whilst listening to the May Mix in the car.

The reading of "May Pole", which recounts the adventures of Sweet Young Auntie May, can be heard in this month's May mix...

The full poem will be published in "Wyrd Kalendar" in October along with eleven other tales based on the months of the year...

Oh Auntie May is coming to stay
Oh lovely Auntie May
We'll have such fun, we'll dance and sing
When Auntie comes to stay

And so we'll hold the ribbons tight and jig around Aunt May
Twisting at the ribbons hard from morning to midday

We will not stop until she crumples half dead on the floor...

Arm yourselves! It's Sting-Nettle Day!

A Stinging Nettle - Yesterday (just before noon)

A strange Devonshire custom on the Third of May is "Sting Nettle Day".

On this day children would arm themselves with nettles and thrash each other and any passing strangers. They would stuff their pockets with dock leaves ready to administer relief to any stings as and when they occurred.

Some say that this yearly rite occurred because they were mean little ragamuffins, whilst others say it is a re-enactment of "The Nettle and the Dock" a now obscure folk tale.

The Nettle and the Dock

One day the Prince of Fools asked his servant to make him a coat that would make him aloof and untouchable. His servant Bright Peter, wearing dock leaf gloves, set about sewing the Prince a nettle coat. When it was ready the Prince of Fools put on the coat and was stung terribly from neck to waist. He railed at Bright Peter who said that it would only sting someone who was foolish. The Prince of Fools did not want to be seen as foolish and so stopped complaining but spent the rest of the day in the most terrible discomfort. 

The Prince of Fools stood as still as he could manage, for movement meant further stings, and tried to appear calm and proud of his terrible coat. As he stood there a beautiful maiden passed by. She was more beautiful than a perfect sunset and more lovely than the blossom in May. He asked her to come over and speak with him awhile. She obliged and they stood and talked in low tones, she smiling at him and he longing for her embrace. After some time had passed she told him she had to go. He reached out to give her a farewell embrace and as he engulfed her in his arms she screamed a deafening scream and ran from him, shouting curses, before throwing herself into a patch of dock leaf and rolling about in a frenzy.

The Prince of Fools was most upset and called his servant to his side. 

"This is your fault," he said. "You made this wretched coat."

"But sir," said Bright Peter. "You wanted to be aloof and untouchable."

The Prince of Fools shook his head and demanded that the coat be removed. Bright Peter obliged, ignoring the screams of pain as the coat brushed against the Prince's already tender skin.

Oh how tender his skin was! How red! How raw! How blistered! He cried out to Bright Peter for some respite from his pain. Bright Peter told him that the only way to cure this blight was to use the very venom that had caused it.

"Five hundred lashes should do it," he said.

The Prince of Fools nodded. And so it was that Bright Peter called the pretty maiden, the children of the village and all who had been wronged by the Prince of Fools, to gather up dock leaves for themselves and nettles for the prince.

And they spent the afternoon and evening whipping the unfortunate Prince whilst Bright Peter made him a new coat from dock leaves.

This tale appears to hint that the poor and common are in touch with the land whilst the rich, landed gentry do not understand its power. It is a theme that runs through folklore throughout the world as well as tales from the Commedia Dell Arte and medieval jongleurs.

Wyrd Kalendar - The May Mix - Sweet Young Auntie May

It's May. It's May! The Lusty Month of May!

Join us on the Kalendar Heath as we revel and dance. Caper around the maypole with Sweet Young Auntie May (the subject of this month's reading from the Wyrd Kalendar (out in October).

We are joined in our May time celebration by Magnet, The Hare and the Moon, Steeleye Span, Led Zeppelin, Nick Drake, Children of Alice, Fairport Convention, Dead Can Dance, Mediaeval Babes, Molly Drake, Magpie Lane, David Cain, Air, The Divine Comedy, Blue Oyster Cult, Belle and Sebastian, Arcade Fire, Bee Gees, Vanessa Redgrave, Canterbury Fair and Killing Joke.

"May Pole" is read by Freya Lambert.

Share and enjoy!