As everyone knows on September 19th Saint Cornely turned a group of Pagan Soldiers to stone. His account of the event runs thus:
"Hello! My name is Saint Cornely. You may remember me for my work with the protection of cattle. However today I’m here to talk to you about something that affects us all: Pagans. They’re everywhere aren’t they? Casting their spells, dancing around in a circle, hugging trees and mushrooms.
You all know about the time I was chased by Pagan soldiers (they probably wanted to make me a bracelet out of hemp and cabbage or something). Anyway it was September 16th and I was walking with my two oxen, when I saw them coming for me. I hid in one of the Ox’s ears, said some holy words and turned those blighters to stone! I’m happy to say that I can offer you the same service. If you have Pagan Problems pray to me and I’ll turn them to stone! Mind you knowing them, they’ll probably like it."
If you are plagued by Pagans day and night then why not try a quick prayer to Saint Cornely?
The following is taken from the Saint Cornely Book of Righteous Prayer and endorsed by the Pagan Eradication and Nullification International Society.
"Saint Cornely hear our cry
'The Pagans come!' you hear us sigh,
They dance about and hug their trees
And so we beg you on our knees
Stop their evil wicked follies
Their midnight jigs and corned dollies
Stop them quickly, stop them now
Turn your eyes from herd of cow
And turn to us and hear our prayer
'Fore they fly swiftly through the air
To rip us all from tender bed
And curse us with their spells so dread.
Change their skin and alter bone
And turn them all to blessed stone."
Below you will find a cut out and keep display version of the prayer for you to cut out, keep and display.
If you know of any other instances of heathens, pagans or other wicked sorts please do share them below or on the Facebook page.